Jag har precis publicerat mitt första inlägg för rädda barnen. Det handlar om min första termin på högstadiet 2008, om utanförskap i en väldigt grupperad klass. Klicka HÄR för att komma till inlägget. (nedan publicerar jag en översättning för mina utländska läsare)

This is my first post for Swedish Save The Children. It’s about my first semester in high school. The original text is in Swedish, but I’ve tried to translate it as good as I can for you, I think it’s a really important subject.

My heart was pounding hard in my chest the whole first day at my new school. I remember that before I left home early in the morning I just stood in front of the mirror, staring at myself. I had borrowed a nice leopard print shirt and a light blue shoulder bag from my big sister?s closet and I thought, that if you just overlook my boyish body shape, and the fact that I?m probably 10 cm taller than most of the other girls, I looked quite pretty.

I remember how small crowds of excited 13-year-olds who were reunited after a long summer holiday was scattered around the entrance 10 minutes before the school start, and how I tried get eye contact when some of my old classmates showed up.

I remember walking around dining room, watchful as a hawk to find a table with someone to place my plate next to it. I remember I couldn?t find anyone, and that I humiliated had to eat with the teachers that first day.

I remember I didn?t regret my choice to start over in a totally new class even on my way home, this would be my new beginning. It is always difficult to make contact with new people at first. The other six girls in the class (who already knew each other) probably were as nervous as I, behind the hard surface of makeup.

We were a rowdy class, full of insecure kids with the goal to get as high as possible in the school?s popularity hierarchy, to any price. I remember how the topic of conversation in a second could go from complaints about the disgusting school lunches to bullshit about the person who just left the room.

Soon we became a very grouped class. I remember the lump in my stomach when the PE-teacher asked us to divide ourselves into pairs or when the chemistry teacher asked us to find a lab partner, and the sighs and discontented glances that were exchanged when one of the girls ended up in the same group as me.

I remember how I got tired of sitting alone in the dining room, how instead of eating the school lunch called my dad and asked him if it was okay if I took a sandwich in his office instead.

“Ebba, I really can?t force the other girls to hang out with you.” I remember that the class teacher wore an ill-fitting white t-shirt when he asked me to stay in the classroom after a lesson, the day after that my parents had called to my school.

And I remember that after four months of a pounding heart, alone breaks and whispers I couldn?t cope with it. Finally I refused to go to school, and the next semester I was introduced in a whole new class, in a whole new scool across town.

It was my mother who litened to me when I came home from school and tearfully told her what I had experienced during the day, and made me understand that it was not my fault. Changing school is one of the best choices I?ve made in my life. It didn?t take long before I had new great friends but it still took a while for me t understand that there actually are people who honestly like to hang out with me.

It’s so incredibly easy to accept the situation and take the blame when your self-confidence is on the bottom and not even the adults at the school admit that it?s wrong that you have to go around with a pounding heart and a lump in your stomach in school for an entire semester. Loneliness is difficult to handle but it is certainly not the ?victim?s? fault and it?s absolutely nothing that should be accepted just because it is not physical bullying.

I know that my story is far from unique, dare I saying that in every high school class, there is someone who feels left out. I write this text for you.

Let the adults know what you?re feeling! For me it was the best option to start over somewhere else, but solving the problem can also involve talking and doing exercises with the class to bring everyone together or to simply get someone to talk to. The important thing is that you never ever blame yourself.

Har suttit och bråkat med bloggen ett bra tag nu. Modette håller på att få en ansiktslyftning (visst blir det fint?) men det innebär också en hel del trubbel. Har hört att vissa personer inte ser mina inlägg, vissa personer ser dubbla inlägg och vissa ser min gamla header, jag håller tummarna för att det ska vara löst tills imorgon så att jag kan köra på som vanligt. Men jag måste bara kolla med er- hur ser bloggen ut på era datorer? Kan ni se alla inlägg, är några dubbelpostade?

I’ve been struggeling with my blog for a while now. Modette are getting a facelift (it already looks really good, don’t you think?), but it also means a lot of trouble. I’ve heard that some people do not see my posts, some people see double posts and some see my old header, I keep my fingers crossed for that it will be solved until tomorrow. I just have to ask you-how does my blog look at your computers? Can you see all the posts?

Dress- Reecn, Cap- 2hand.

Jag känner att jag smälter in ganska bra på örsten i denna klädsel! Otroligt gullig men nästan  lite obekvämt kort känning som är så skön att man helst skulle vilja gå omkring i den hela tiden. Ett extra plus för att jag känner mig som en äkta sjöman när jag åker ut med båten i den, haha…

I feel like I fit in quite well at örsten in this outfit! Incredibly cute but almost a little too short stress that is so comfortable that you wjust want to walk around in it all the time. Another thing on the plus-side is that it makes me feel like a true sailor when I wear it wen we go out with our boat, haha …

(sneakis på morgondagen) Puh! Har jobbat hela dagen med ett roligt uppdrag (visar er så fort jag får). Att plåta och sätta ihop looks kan definitivt vara mer krävande än det verkar, haha. Förresten, snart är det dags att avsluta wandering minds-tävlingen så passa på att delta HÄR medans ni kan!

(sneakpeek at tomorrow’s look) Phew! I’ve worked all day with a fun assignment (I’ll show you as soon as I’m allowed). To take pictures and put together looks can definitely be more challenging than it seems, haha. By the way, soon it’s time to end the wandering minds-contest so take the opportunity to participate HERE while you can!

För ett tag sedan fick jag frågan om jag ville vara med och gästblogga på rädda barnens sommarblogg. Självklart tackade jag ja, och nu är det dags för mig att sätta igång. I en hel vecka styr jag spakarna bakom sommarbloggen, jag kommer att skriva om utanförskap och dela med mig av några tankar kring skönhetsideal. HÄR hittar ni mitt första inlägg!

A while ago Save The Children in Sweden asked me if I wanted to guest blog at their summer blog. Of course I said yes, and now it’s time for me to get started. This week I will be writing about marginalization and share some thoughts on the ideals of beauty. HERE you will find my first post, but it’s on Swedish and it’s just a presentation. I’ll translate my more important post for you here on my blog later!