Jag har precis publicerat mitt första inlägg för rädda barnen. Det handlar om min första termin på högstadiet 2008, om utanförskap i en väldigt grupperad klass. Klicka HÄR för att komma till inlägget. (nedan publicerar jag en översättning för mina utländska läsare)
This is my first post for Swedish Save The Children. It’s about my first semester in high school. The original text is in Swedish, but I’ve tried to translate it as good as I can for you, I think it’s a really important subject.
My heart was pounding hard in my chest the whole first day at my new school. I remember that before I left home early in the morning I just stood in front of the mirror, staring at myself. I had borrowed a nice leopard print shirt and a light blue shoulder bag from my big sister?s closet and I thought, that if you just overlook my boyish body shape, and the fact that I?m probably 10 cm taller than most of the other girls, I looked quite pretty.
I remember how small crowds of excited 13-year-olds who were reunited after a long summer holiday was scattered around the entrance 10 minutes before the school start, and how I tried get eye contact when some of my old classmates showed up.
I remember walking around dining room, watchful as a hawk to find a table with someone to place my plate next to it. I remember I couldn?t find anyone, and that I humiliated had to eat with the teachers that first day.
I remember I didn?t regret my choice to start over in a totally new class even on my way home, this would be my new beginning. It is always difficult to make contact with new people at first. The other six girls in the class (who already knew each other) probably were as nervous as I, behind the hard surface of makeup.
We were a rowdy class, full of insecure kids with the goal to get as high as possible in the school?s popularity hierarchy, to any price. I remember how the topic of conversation in a second could go from complaints about the disgusting school lunches to bullshit about the person who just left the room.
Soon we became a very grouped class. I remember the lump in my stomach when the PE-teacher asked us to divide ourselves into pairs or when the chemistry teacher asked us to find a lab partner, and the sighs and discontented glances that were exchanged when one of the girls ended up in the same group as me.
I remember how I got tired of sitting alone in the dining room, how instead of eating the school lunch called my dad and asked him if it was okay if I took a sandwich in his office instead.
“Ebba, I really can?t force the other girls to hang out with you.” I remember that the class teacher wore an ill-fitting white t-shirt when he asked me to stay in the classroom after a lesson, the day after that my parents had called to my school.
And I remember that after four months of a pounding heart, alone breaks and whispers I couldn?t cope with it. Finally I refused to go to school, and the next semester I was introduced in a whole new class, in a whole new scool across town.
It was my mother who litened to me when I came home from school and tearfully told her what I had experienced during the day, and made me understand that it was not my fault. Changing school is one of the best choices I?ve made in my life. It didn?t take long before I had new great friends but it still took a while for me t understand that there actually are people who honestly like to hang out with me.
It’s so incredibly easy to accept the situation and take the blame when your self-confidence is on the bottom and not even the adults at the school admit that it?s wrong that you have to go around with a pounding heart and a lump in your stomach in school for an entire semester. Loneliness is difficult to handle but it is certainly not the ?victim?s? fault and it?s absolutely nothing that should be accepted just because it is not physical bullying.
I know that my story is far from unique, dare I saying that in every high school class, there is someone who feels left out. I write this text for you.
Let the adults know what you?re feeling! For me it was the best option to start over somewhere else, but solving the problem can also involve talking and doing exercises with the class to bring everyone together or to simply get someone to talk to. The important thing is that you never ever blame yourself.
Jättefint skrivet Ebba, verkligen!
Ok, you’re my hero now, i barely cry reading this. If you had been in my class, i probably would’ve wanted to know you, people are so mean, that’s unbelievable, just because they need a punching ball, somebody they can treat like shit, so they feel powerful. It’s so lame. But, it’s true.
<3
Omg, I love this! You so encouraged me with this! I also felt pretty left out at school, and I decided to change to another school to which I’m gonna go after vacation, in like 5 weeks, and I’m sooo nervous! But it’s great that you felt so much better after going to a new class, and now I feel less nervous 🙂 Thank you!!
It´s true story. I don’t know what I should say about this , just if you not same like company of your class , others will begin to condemn you just because, you are different.I dont know why people do this . I had same problem , because I was different against my class , Just because I have other views on things.. play on piano , listen other music than my peers etc. I haven´t too friend but I´m happy at least I´m different. Thank you for this article !!
Dear Ebba thanks a lot for sharing your story with us. You told once before on your blog that you’d changed school and don’t regret it. I know the feeling you described very well and I often visited your blog because it was kind of craftgiving. Like that there in the north are still idyllic places. I often wondered if it was my fault, because I am different. But because you’ve said you had similar issuses – and you’re obviusley perfect to me 🙂 – I felt like mabye I am right and the world is wrong. Well on a much smaller scale. My old class was still okay but people from other classes spreded gossip about me. What hurted my badly and made me even more insecure. Because it’s not easy to be different it takes a lot of courage to show who you are- like in the way you dress, think, what kind of music you listen to that kind of stuff. I wanted a change. So now I’m going to a dansk high school where every one is just as crazy as me. ( I had a test week there) And I was suprised that people were seriously interested in me , even made me compliments for the way I really am. It was cool to see that we were listening to the same kind of music and liked pretty much the same things. And I really had the feeling that it wasn’t important anyways how you look. Of course I will miss my family ( my dog especially ) and I have to deal with learning a completley new language. But I feel like it’s the right decision and in a week my first school day will start. I am pretty nervous. But I already found some friends. But because of what happend to me before I’m still afraid that when get to know me better they won’t like me too then. You inspired me to change school and I hope I’ll have enough self confidence to feel good in my skin someday. So thanks a lot I made the first step the rest will hopefully follow.
Oh, I just love you and your blog, Ebba! Thank you, this is really helping me, and probably many others to <3
I’ve felt this way almost every year at school. I’ve been bullied for 12 years, 9 of them consecutives. And I’m 23. The worst of them was in the course 2009-2010. No one deserves this. Being bullied is one of the worst things, above all if it’s psychological bullying, because you can’t show it as clearly as physical bullying. In my case no one listened to me: teachers, counselor, principal, head of studies… of all of them, only two teachers (one in my 2nd secondary school course and the other in 2009-2010 course) listened to me, believed me and tried to solve it. Both defended me, but the rest didn’t do anything. In 2009-2010 course, the counselor said me that I had to deal with it, that it would be just a course and it couldn’t be so hard.
If you had been in my class, I would have wanted to know you, because you seem a nice and friendly girl.
Thank you for sharing such a private part of your life with us.
I love you.
Dear Ebba,
Thank you thank you thank you for sharing this story!
To be perfectly honest, you always seemed like that perfect girl to me. Reading through your blog, I see that you’re funny and smart and absolutely gorgeous. You wear super adorable clothes, have an amazing fashion sense, and seem to always be having a great time. It’s dangerous to just make assumptions about people though.
Bullying is definitely hard to deal with. I’ve changed schools somewhere around 10 times so far so I definitely know what it feels like being the new girl. Having to walk around all alone looking for someone to sit with during lunch is one of the hardest experiences in school to go through. Having no one to be partnered with or being seen as “that weird girl” in class definitely hurts a lot. I have all these different experiences with bullying and new schools and whatnot. All these memories are flooding back as I read this post.
I still remember how in 4th grade, I changed to this super tiny school near my house. There were 13 kids in our class and everyone know everyone else. I started school a week late, I didn’t know the same things as them, and I felt like I was from a whole other planet. Those times were really hard and I still remember crying in bed every night. Luckily, over time, I was gradually able to see that a few people were willing to be my friends and were amazing wonderful people.
Then, in 7th grade, at a completely different school (in a different country!), I remember walking around all by myself for what seemed like hours in the cafeteria. Since I had never visited the school before that day (my parents randomly decided to move to another country and enroll my little brother and me in a school that neither of us had never even heard about). I remember finally getting so desperate that I walked up to a random girl and asked, “Is it okay if I sit here? I’m new and I won’t get in the way of you and your friends.” That wasn’t exactly the best moment of my life. Luckily though, I gradually was able to make some friends whom I am still in touch with. Even though I moved schools a few times after that year, I still have best friends who I love there!
Sorry for all my rambling Ebba!
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. I’ve really happy for you and super glad that you were able to change schools and find some amazing people to be friends with. From what I can tell, your friends all seem like such lovely, wonderful people!
If I had known you, I think I would have tried to be friends with you. You seem so kind, so friendly, and absolutely amazing.
Never change.
Love love love!! <3 <3 <3
~Alice
The Ace of Hearts
It’s really nice of you to share your experience with us, thank you 🙂 It’s surprising how so many people were once bullied, and you would never imagine that it happened to them.
I was bullied when I was 10 years old. My entire class was teasing me every day, I cried so many times in the playground, I cried at home, I didn’t want to go to school, I didn’t understand what was happening to me, what I did to deserve this. I changed school too, for a bigger one, where it was easier to fit in.
I’m 21 now and I am still recovering. I don’t trust people easily, I generally don’t let them see the real me.
I’m glad you didn’t give up on what makes you special 🙂 You look so cute on the picture !
Vackert skrivet och vad söt du var Ebba 🙂
Dear Ebba,
It was wonderful to read this and had a lovely message which I am glad you put out.
When I was in year 7 I had one friend in my homegroup and it wasn’t long before she started hanging out with the other girls and calling my names so she could be accepted into their crowd. I was alone in that class for a long time and was called weird and nerd, because all my actual friends were in a different homegroup. I am so glad that I didn’t change who I was then and that even though I was bullied I stayed true to myself, because now I have wonderful friends who like me for who I am. I moved from that state school to a steiner school 3 years ago and that was the best thing I have ever done. I still keep in contact with some of my old friends, but it is this steiner school that has shaped the person I am today. My whole class is incredibly close and friendly and we don’t have to all be best friends, but they do accept me for who I am.
My biggest message (and i hope someone reads this): Never change who you are for others.
I would never have guessed that someone like you could’ve been through something like this. You seem so confident, you are pretty and most importantly you have the confidence and guts to wear what you really want. To be honest, it makes me a little satisfied and happy to see that i am not the only one who has gone through something like this in life. I almost cried while i was reading this, because it brings back so many memories of how i struggled through my years in high schoolt. You are amazing and thank you for writing and sharing this with us 🙂
Thank you Ebba.
How right you were when decided to share your story, dear Ebba. For me it was a really significant deed of you. Appreciated (:
(I had no intention to tell my story, it came out accidentally, but since there are some of them in comments I think it’s okay if I just leave it here.)
Since I entered the highschool I was left out from day one, and it’s already 6th year of coping with it. Tough times, what can I say. Plus it had to be quite a new situation, because in primary children liked me. I can even tell I was “popular” in my class. Then in one moment it all turned out this way.
Not only my social position that’ve been changed, it was me who was changed by this. I became right opposite from a child I was – introvert, shy and fearful of people, my selfesteem just dropped dead. The following years I spent analysing myself, trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, looking for some answers, improving my appearance, crying sometimes, thinking… I’m a passive person who won’t even start talking to anyone first, so I remained lonely. (On the other hand, all of a few friends that I have now are real with no doubt, and I’m happy at least for that.)
What you told there was surprising to all I knew before. I always thought that you can’t blame people for not understanding you, for that you were left out… Believed, that it’s only my fault, and every left out kid has no one to blame but themselves, that THEY are wrong, not the society.
But you. Maybe in Sweden it’s different, but in my country I can’t imagine girl like you being not accepted… Not you.
I’ve just read this post and it’s so hard to believe that maybe I was wrong, thinking it’s only me to blame. But it takes quite some time to change your mind, right? (: Through this years I somehow managed to know who I am, so I’ll just keep dreaming that sometimes I’ll find my people. I have a plan to move to the city I love, all alone, and start again. Hope it could become the best choice I could do, like your one was (:
I needed to thank you for this very good read!! I absolutely
loved every little bit of it. I’ve got you book-marked to look at new stuff you post…
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