Klockan tre igår befann jag mig på en myllrande gata i ett vårsoligt Göteborg med telefonen mot örat. Mamma och Fanny i andra änden av linjen, i andra änden av landet. Mamma sade att något hänt i Stockholm och att hon var tvungen att lägga på, så vi avslutade samtalet och den vårsoliga eftermiddagen fortgick.

När vi satt i parken och uppdaterade nyhetssiterna om och om igen, när jag diskuterade dådet med Sean över skype och när jag chattade med rädda och instängda vänner på facebook kändes nästan ingenting. Inte ens lättnad när anhörig efter anhörig markerades som säker på facebook. Det tog 24 timmar för bedövningen att släppa.
Jag känner mig väldigt skakad idag. Nu har båda länderna jag har mina hem, vänner och familj i drabbats av attentat inom bara ett halvårs tid. Riktningen världen tar blir så äckligt nära och det finns ingen nödbroms att trampa på och inget varmt täcke att dra över huvudet.

I hela mitt liv har jag varit totalt skyddad från allvarlig sjukdom i familjen, nära personer som gått bort och attentat. Det har aldrig varit något som hört hemma i mitt mitt huvud, inget som angått mig. Plötsligt har alla tre drabbat mig samtidigt och nu står jag mitt i livet och svajar. Jag kan inte formulera mina tankar och känslor kring allt som hänt på ett rimligt sätt just nu, ännu mindre få ner dem i text, därför ska jag fatta mig kort: jag hoppas innerligt att ni mår bra. Snälla låt inte detta få er att misstänkliggöra andra människor. Ta hand om varandra. Puss.

At three o’clock yesterday, I found myself on a bustling street in a sunny Gothenburg with my phone by my ear. Mom and Fanny at the other end of the line, at the other end of the country. Suddenly Mom said something happened in Stockholm and that she had to hang up, so we ended the call and the sunny spring afternoon continued.

As we sat in the park and updated news feeds in our phones again and again, as I discussed the attack with Sean over skype and when I chatted with scared and locked in friends on Facebook I felt almost nothing. Not even relief when person after person was marked as safe on Facebook. It took 24 hours for the anesthesia to release.
I feel very shaken today. Now both the countries I have my home, friends and family has been the target for attacks in less than half a year. The direction the world is taking is really impossible to avoid.

In my entire life I have been totally protected from serious diseases in the family, close people who passed away and threats/conflicts. It has never been something that concerned me. Suddenly, all three has happened to me at the same time and now I’m standing in the middle of it all, swaying. I can’t formulate my thoughts and feelings about everything that happened in a reasonable way right now, much less get them down in the text, so I’ll be brief: Please don’t let this make you suspicious and afraid, take care of each other. We are all in this together ♡

Polaroid pictures of my loved ones
Thinking about my loved ones today.

Tänker även på alla som lidit av liknande dåd, inte bara de otroligt medialt uppmärksammade händelserna i västvärlden den senaste tiden. Överallt. Att det här ger oss en påminnelse om hur viktigt det är att öppna upp och släppa in drabbade, inte gräva djupa vallgravar mellan oss och andra människor i en värld där medmänsklighet blivit viktigare än någonsin.

I also think of everyone who have suffered from other conflicts and attacks, not just the events in the West recently (which has gotten disproportionately much attention in media). Everywhere. This gives us a reminder of how important it is to open up and let other sufferers in, and not to dig deep moats between us and other people in a world where humanity has become more important than ever.

3 responses to “

  1. mai skriver:

    Ebba! Words can’t explain how much I am saddened by this.
    Being an Israeli, I grew up during the second intifada (the period with most terror attacks) so in a way, whenever it happens in Israel it is incredibly frightening but not something of a magnitude fear because, well, it is something we’re ready for to happen any day. I guess this is why I get so sympathetic whenever it happens in other places around the world– the initial fear, the fear that never leaves, the calling-every-one-you-know and more some. I am incredibly glad to hear all your loved ones are unharmed, (at least physically, as I know a lot of people who’re suffering from PTSD, unfortunately.)
    The world is getting more frightening each day. But, to quote Anne Frank, “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”
    I send you all the strength and hope I have, and wish for a united future <3

  2. Lise skriver:

    Like you I’ve been lucky for now with no disease or death amongst my loved ones. I have friends all over the world and I can’t be suspicious. I’m French, my best friend lives in Nice, other friends in Paris, some in Turkey, places that were target of attacks. I can’t simply avoid these cities or countries or I’ll be avoiding my friends and their hurt feelings. I’m coming to Stockholm around May 1st, I’ve wanted to visit it for such a long time, and the attack doesn’t change a thing. I’m sure the people in Stockholm will be happy of our presence. And with the attack and people marking them safe on Facebook, I even discovered that I have many more friends in the city than I thought! So I’ll pay a visit to Sabine, Sophie, Maja and Therese 🙂

    1. ebba skriver:

      I’m so happy your loved ones are safe! Haha, I experienced the same thing during the attacks, in Berlin and Stockholm, I have so many more friends there than I thought 😉

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